Hey God... Hello?
Wait, I hear You.
No, actually You seem to be breaking up.
There must be something wrong with the connection...
I watched the Passion of the Christ a week ago. I hadn't seen in in a few years. And I sobbed for two hours. It is a powerful movie. As I watched my Savior take my beatings, take my ridicule, take my punishment, carry my cross, and bleed for me, I could hardly bare the sorrow.
I repented of sins long forgotten. I was heartbroken that I could have forgotten so easily just how much my Savior endured for me.
I'm no better at this than anyone else. I'm no saint. Just a sinner saved by grace. I fall. I sin. I screw it up.
But God is faithful. He's there to pick me up and dust me off when I repent.
But as of late, I feel like God is distant. I've always heard that when you feel like God is distant, then look around. You're the one who has moved.
Maybe I did move. Took the wrong path. Skipped off the straight and narrow. I don't know.
I've been asking God to give me the answer to my question about Protestantism vs. Catholicism. Is one right and the other wrong? Are they both right? Or by some crazy chance, are they both wrong? I have been so confused as of late.
I've been wondering, have I been looking at things the wrong way all along? Did I miss something? Is it about more faith, less legalism? Or about more legalism, less faith?
But then that doesn't seem right.
Jesus came to build the bridge. The gap between humans and God. So why the need for a Pope?
But then again, it seems that all denominations of Protestantism have taken some things too far... Like speaking in tongues... Or believing in the gift of healing to the point of not believing in doctors.
So where's the answer? On both hands you've got the same God. Same Jesus.
But a lot of doctrine thrown around, shoved down throats, and bashed agaisnt the hard-headed.
I don't think this is what Christ had in mind for His hands and feet. The world is looking at us and watching. They want to know where the difference is. Just how powerful is this God that we believe in?
Sure we wear the t-shirts and have the fish stickers on our bumpers... We can all talk the talk.
But what about the walk? What about the everyday, in and out, fight to lay down ourselves at the foot of the cross?
What about the fruit of the Spirit?
How do we show the world Jesus, when we're all too busy fighting amongst ourselves to shine the light?
And has anyone ever seen godhatesfags.com? Excuse me... But Jesus got up on that cross for those same "fags" as for you and me! What has happened to the church?
I've been told I was going to hell because I wear pants, because I wear make-up, because I don't speak in tongues, because I cut my hair, because my parents are divorced.
Thank you very much, Church. Is that what you call yourselves?
Condemning everything I do and don't do. I don't understand it. I can't comprehend it.
So I pray, "God, if I'm wrong show me. Show me! Are you gonna turn me away because of what I wear, because I can't speak in some crazy blah blah nonsensical language, or because I couldn't help the fact that my parents didn't want to stay married? Am I cursed for all eternity?"
I thought He smashed all that trivial stuff to the grave 2,000 years ago on a cross? But apparently, the majority doesn't agree with me.
I'm no biblical scholar. But I am 100 percent sure of my Savior. That, is my only anchor in this storm. I can't see my hand in front of my face.
It's that dark.
I believe abortion is wrong. More than wrong, it's murder. I practice my right to vote and try to vote in men and women who will uphold morals. Abortion seems like a black and white issue to me.
And to me, the Bible's stance on homosexuality is black and white.
But what about other things that the Bible is not so clear on?
What about something as simple as birth control? Or in ventro fertilization?
What about those?
If birth control is a sin, am I going to hell?
Is God going to condemn me for seeking medical help that saved my life, while endometriosis was trying to take over my insides?
And estrogen was trying to kill me?
What in the world do I do now?
I've got one hand on the cross and and the other outstretched, waiting.
For what, I do not know.
Will answers come?
I don't know.
Will God leave me in the dark?
I don't know.
All I know, Friends, is this: Jesus chose the cross for you. There's power and forgiveness and love there. I may not have all the answers, but I can point you to the One who does.
You've got nothing to lose.
I don't for one minute believe my God has abandoned me. Letting me learn some hard lessons? Yes.
Staying silent, so that I seek Him more fervently? Yes.
But abandoned me?
No. And that's all I've got left to hang onto.
"Christianity, if false, is of no importance, and if true, of infinite importance. The only thing it cannot be is moderately important." -C. S. Lewis
(Note: The above picture breaks my Savior's heart, of this I am sure. I am in NO way supporting the radical baptist church.)
Lived Through by Mandie Described at 10:50 AM