Wednesdays Are For Losers... Like Me.

Well, it went a little something like this... I slept on the couch last night.

My husband was snoring so badly. I think it's because I got sick and then consequently, got him sick. But he's always snored.

Just not that bad.

Last night, I tried rolling him onto his sides... Pulling his pillow out from under his head... Yanking the covers off of him...

I'm such a great wife, right?

And nothing worked. If anything it all made him snore all that much louder.

So with my pillow in tow, I was off to the couch.

And this morning, I woke to the phone ringing. At the ungodly hour of ten'o'clock.

I don't work on Wednesdays... You would think people would realize I don't rise before noon.

But no.

And it was Dad. My brother needed a ride down to the parole office. (Yeah while I was off on my little hiatus from blogging back in November, my brother got released from prison.)

And my brother has a resrticted driver's licsense due to back child support.

Fine. So I don't have a life and drive my brother around so he can pee in cups and... Other stuff. Don't judge me.

Plus, my shoulder was KILLING me. Apparently, I'd found the ONE hard spot in the couch last night, and had tortured my shoulder.

I stetched, I did push-ups... To absolutely no avail. (And it hurt all day...)

So I get dressed and head to pick up my brother. I get there and knock on the door.

Nobody comes to the door, so I just let myself in. I walked loudly through the kitchen and into the livingroom, hoping not to scare my brother or grandmother.

(Bro's living with my grandmother for now.)

It was dark and I couldn't hear anybody moving around.

"Hello?" I hollered into the dark livingroom and down the hall.

No response.

I creep down the hall, just a little and wait. Was my brother even home? Was my grandmother?

I creeped down the hall a little further. The bedroom doors were closed. So was the office door and bathroom.

And everything was quiet.

So when my brother throws open the bathroom door, I screamed.

When I screamed, my brother screamed.

When my brother screamed, from somewhere in her bedroom, my grandmother screamed.

So starting off, my nerves were shot. And so were my brother's. Because as we were walking out the door he shoved a dip in his mouth.

Me and my brother get to the parole office and he goes inside to do whatever it is people do at parole offices...

And I decide to wait in the car and get some more sleep.

Now, I'm not an idiot. Even though I do live in a small town, the kind where everybody knows everybody and if they don't know you, they sure as hell know your parents... Haha.

One of those kind of towns.

But I lock my door non the less.

I don't know how long I've been asleep, when I wake up.

Why did I wake up? Well, you ever get that feeling like someone is watching you and you turn around and your suspensions were true.

Well, there was an old guy standing outside my car door, smoking a cigarette... And looking in my window!

I jerk my seat up into a sitting position and was ready to abandon my brother, when the old man gives me a weird facial expression, like I'm the freak, and then walks off.

Yeah.

Moving forward, brother finally returns to car where he informs me we need to pay a visit to Family and Children Services. Something to do with his child support...

So we're off to Cartersville. Which is a good 45 minute drive. So I'm all groggy and tired, trying to manover my way on the highway.

And I'm really wishing at this point that the idiots who run Family and Children Services wouldn't take fathers' driver's licsenses away for back child support, because all that means is that they are going to have to get someone else to drive them to work and to wheverever.

Ugh. The world is run by idiots. I swear!

On the way back from Family and Children Services, my brother decides to regail me with a tale from his high school days when he and buddy of his took a road trip up to Ohio.

And he tells me how they went to some arts festival around some river in Ohio. The Ohio River, I guess?

I have a retired meth-head for a brother here, People.

And he proceeds to tell me that since all the porta-Johns. Yeah, port-a-poddies? My brother called 'em porta-Johns.

Whatever.

He proceeds to tell me that since all the porta-Johns were full, he and his buddies decide to just pee into the river.

So for hours, they are walking around drinking Bud Light and peeing into the Ohio River.

And then my brother goes to relieve himself one last time before they leave, and he pees off the ledge.

Only appartenty, he didn't see the dock or whatever below him, and ended up pissing all over some chick and dude trying to get their groove on.

.....Yeah.

So, I drop brother off when sister calls, "Hey you wanna go to the gym with me?"

I'm not a gym person. I go for a run ocassionally, but that's it. "Um, not really why?"

"Oh, no reason. It's just have you looked in the mirror lately?" My sister sounds serious.

"Excuse me? Is this your way of telling me I'm getting fat?"

"Look, I don't like working out by myself. Too many guys. Plus, It's not gonna hurt you. You need to tone up."

Thank you, Sister Dear.

So I guess that's how I ended up at the gym on a treadmill, watching my sister try to lift weights.

I had completely skipped the weights and gone for the treadmill. I'm no idiot. I could maybe bench the bar.

Maybe.

Now, my sister is a totally drop dead gorgeous blonde. Even after having a baby, she's hot.

Plus, she's single and has ever dude in the place starring. What else is new?

So I jog my twenty minutes on the treadmill and walk over to her, all sweaty and gross with my newly dyed dark hair plastered to my face and neck. "You ready to go yet?"

My sister hadn't even broken a sweat. "Not yet."

I sit and wait another ten minutes while my sister lifts weights. But it looks more like she's just playing around.

Whatever.

Turns out, she was wasting time so she could run into her old tennis coach from high school.

Crush, maybe?

Eh, but she doesn't talk to me about her love life anymore, appartently I'm too opinionated about guys, while she chooses to be ignorant.

We head out of the gym to the parking lot. And I notice a good sized dent in the rear bumper. "Hey Kim, did somebody hit you?"

She looks over and then real quick-like changes the subject. "Dunno, you wanna go get something to eat?"

Uhhhhh. I know that trick. "Uh, Kim... What happened to your bumper?"

She's now cranking the car and I'm in the passenger seat, looking at her. But she doesn't look at me. "No big deal, not like my car doesn't have dings already. So, where you wanna eat?"

I cross my arms. "I don't care... Kimberly, did you hit my car?"

My sister throws up her hands and turns towards me and looks me in the eye. "Gah, you're ruthless, yeah, yeah, okay?! I hit your car! It was a complete accident. It happened the other day when you where at mom's. I forgot you were parked behind me."

Great. "Did anything happen to my car?"

She pulls the car out of the parking spot. "I didn't check."

"Nice. We're eating at Zaxby's. And you're buying." I click my seatbelt.

"I'm broke." She looks at me sheepishly.

"Dude, you hit my car? And now I'm buying? Didn't you ask me to go with you?"

"Uh, yeah." She looks at me like I'm stupid.

Yeah, so we get to Zaxby's and we decide to go through the drive-thru and just take the food with us and rent a movie.

So, I pay. And as we're driving off, I realize the guy at the window didn't give me the right change.

I was short a dollar.

And maybe on another day, I wouldn't have cared... But today, it was like he'd shorted me a twenty.

I glare at my sister. "You know what?!"

She jumped and the car swerved. "What?"

"If I wasn't such a nice person, I'd go back in there and demand my dolla back."

My sister laughs. "Your dolla back?"

What is she deaf? "Yeah, my dolla!"

My sister throws her hands up. "Can I get a holla back?!" And laughs.

"This isn't funny."

So, we rent the movie The Box. Don't watch it. It's stupid. And plus, it sent me into a panic attack.

Stupid Sci-Fi movies.

So yeah, I'm writing this while my hands are still shaking.

I think I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed today.

Oh wait. Excuse me.

Wrong side of the couch.