A chemical imbalance in the brain. A short in the wires that trigger my fight or flight response.
I hate that the doctors think they can cure it with a pill and the therapists think they can fix it with a few deep breathing techniques...
Well just got done making an attempt at the breathing techniques. And nothing.
My heart's still racing, I can't breathe, I feel like I'm going to regurgitate my dinner. And my head's spinning.
Not to mention there is no one awake to remind me this is just another panic attack. So I'm left to talk to myself. Which doesn't always work... Like now for example. I'm talking away, trying to pretend I'm sane, while probably driving myself more insane.
And I hate that people think that it's just something you can get over.
How exactly do you get over something that has the ability to choke you, make you completely numb and pass out? I'm sitting on the precipice as I write this..
And I wonder, should I go wake someone? Call someone?
Cause what if this one time I'm actually really dying? Only, that's what I think everytime..
But everytime it feels like the Grim Reeper is ready to pounce.
And I just don't get it? What turned me into this freak? What went wrong for me to develop such a strange way of coping with stress?
And now I'm rambling just to keep my mind off thoughts of suffocating to death... But I just typed that out... So I'm not doing such a hot job of distracting myself...
Lived Through by Mandie Described at 2:28 AM